Two weeks of house arrest can do strange things to a person.

I hadn't left the house in two weeks before today.  Two weeks of looking at the mess that needs to be cleaned and yet not being able to clean it because I'm too mono-y to do anything other than sleep.

Today, I went to Zeller's (think Target only for Canadians) and bought a pair of new shoes for Kid3 and Kid4 (I mean I bought them each a pair of shoes.  I don't make my kids share shoes.  I mean, I tried, but the school got annoyed that they had to hop everywhere.  Motherfuckers.), medicine for Kid2 (she has some fucked up kidneys) and nothing for Kid1 (because I don't love her as much as the others).  I also bought a vacuum because it was on sale and mine doesn't suck.  Well, it DOES suck, but not in the way that you want a vacuum to suck.  What I'm trying to say is that it's a 15 year old piece of shit.

The thing I miss doing the most since having this mono thing is going on my 20-30K hikes with Wonder Woman (who you met in a previous post).  We like to do them once a week in the summer but only managed to get two in this summer due to mono and bedbug issues.

We usually aim to get there at 8:00 in the morning.  On a weekend.  In the summer.  Because we're both fucking crazy but it's five hours of kid free time so we do it.  And I miss it.  Because two weeks of staying in the house fucks with your mind.


Also, during my house arrest, I discovered that I have a bee hive in the soffit on my back porch.  (And my spell checker is telling me that soffit isn't a word but fuck you spell checker!  Even wikipedia tells me it's a word.  Spell checker is such an asshole.)  Here's my plan and tell me what you think.  Since I didn't get what I wanted for my anniversary, I should instead convince the bees that I am their overlord.  They're highly intelligent insects, I am lead to believe but I think I can do it.  It will involve me covering myself in honey until they assume I am just part of the hive and then when I am part of the hive I will be part of the hive mind and when I am part of the hive mind, my more developed brain will be able to control the hive mind.  So, who will be able to stand in my way when I order a swarm of bees to attack?  Fucking no one, that's who!  She who controls the honey, controls the fucking world!

BONUS MONO UPDATE
I'm down to one nap in the afternoon now.  So basically, I am on par with a six month old.