It's not really about video games, I promise.

I babysit my friend's son who I will call Borris for no other reason than I think more people should be named Borris.  He and I were hanging out playing Gears of War 2. Well, I was playing and he was shooting at the screen with a hockey stick machine gun (which is kind of cool but nowhere near as badass as the machine gun with a fucking CHAINSAW you get in the game). 

I turned off the swearing and the excessive blood for him because, even though it's normal in this house to hear "I said get me the ketchup, bitch, or I will come over and beat your fucking ass!" from the kids in this house, I know that most other parents like the "please" and "thank you" way of doing things.  And even though in this house the kids think an awesome head shot is a thing of beauty, I know most parents like to stick with Sponge Bob or some shit like that.

So I'm playing and there's the occasional "damn" "ass" and "hell" to be heard but I know my friend will be OK with that because those are words she says from time to time, even around Borris.  And then Dom dies (for those not in the know, you play as Marcus and Dom is either your co-op or AI partner and hell if you're not in the know, go out and play the game because it fucking rocks) and I go and revive him and Marcus says "Get up you pussy" when Dom is revived.

And I'm thinking "Shit!  She's going to kill me!  I went to all this fucking trouble to not have the swearing and Marcus pulls this shit!  Oh well, maybe Borris didn't notice."

And then Borris says "Get up you pussy!" while shooting his hockey stick machine gun at the screen.

I spent the rest of the afternoon listening for him to keep calling everyone a pussy but he didn't so he either didn't hear or he loves me so much he wants to keep me from getting in trouble.  But I did tell my friend, just in case Borris went to her the next morning and said "Hey mom! Get up you pussy!  I love you!".  My friend just laughed when I told her because I have fucking awesome friends.


BONUS ABSURD VIDEO GAME DIALOGUE
I was replaying Assassin's Creed: Brotherhood and I get to the part where Desmond goes to eat a sandwich and Rebecca calls him a carnivore.  And then Shaun is all "You know plants give off pheromones that blah blah blah blah blah" and Rebecca's all "You know too much stuff".  Or something like that.  Anyway, what Shaun should have said is "Rebecca, you do realize we're fucking ASSASSINS right?  That we KILL PEOPLE FOR A LIVING." Then he should have demonstrated by killing Lucy because she's such a bitch in that game.