Why I am the best mom in the world (also, my kid is really smart).

Kid1's birthday was in November.  She loves Final Fantasy.  A new Final Fantasy game came out Jan. 31st.  In November, I told her I was going to get it for her for her birthday.  On January 31st, I showed up at the mall at 9:30.  The stores didn't open until 10:00.  I wanted to be there to make sure that I got a copy.  So I took kid4 to the mall (which is my own personal hell... I hate the mall) a half hour before it opened and waited.  And waited.  And waited some more.

Me: "Ugh! I'm tired of this."
Kid4: "No kidding right? Let's blow this pop stand and go do something crazy!"
Me: "I can't. I have to get the game for kid1."
Kid4: "You love her more than me, don't you."
Me: "Yes."

So we get tired of waiting and ten minutes before the store opens we go for a walk. It takes us five minutes to walk around and get back to the store.

Me: "Blah. That only took us five minutes."
Kid4(who just turned six): "That means we still have to wait for five minutes."
Me: "How did you figure that out?"
Kid4 (with a look that says I'm the dumbest woman to ever walk the planet): "5 plus 5 is 10."
Me: "So if it took us 7 minutes, how long would we have to wait?"
Kid4: "What, are you some kind of fucking moron? Three."

Then the store opens and there are four of us waiting to go in.  But, because kid4 is small, she gets in line first.  Awesome!

Me: "How much is it?"
Store Employee: "A lot."
Me: "Look, I was here a half hour before the mall opened to get a game that I'm not going to play. Don't fuck with me and just tell me."
Store Employee: "Sixty dollars."

Kid1 was then the proud owned of Final Fantasy XIII-2.  And I am the best. mom. ever.


BONUS MY KIDS ARE ALL GEEKS
Kid2 discovered Harry Potter this Christmas.  Since then, the kids have talked about nothing that isn't Harry Potter related.  Yesterday they were playing a hybrid Star Wars/Harry Potter/Final Fantasy XIII game. I've never been more proud!

It's not really about video games, I promise.

I babysit my friend's son who I will call Borris for no other reason than I think more people should be named Borris.  He and I were hanging out playing Gears of War 2. Well, I was playing and he was shooting at the screen with a hockey stick machine gun (which is kind of cool but nowhere near as badass as the machine gun with a fucking CHAINSAW you get in the game). 

I turned off the swearing and the excessive blood for him because, even though it's normal in this house to hear "I said get me the ketchup, bitch, or I will come over and beat your fucking ass!" from the kids in this house, I know that most other parents like the "please" and "thank you" way of doing things.  And even though in this house the kids think an awesome head shot is a thing of beauty, I know most parents like to stick with Sponge Bob or some shit like that.

So I'm playing and there's the occasional "damn" "ass" and "hell" to be heard but I know my friend will be OK with that because those are words she says from time to time, even around Borris.  And then Dom dies (for those not in the know, you play as Marcus and Dom is either your co-op or AI partner and hell if you're not in the know, go out and play the game because it fucking rocks) and I go and revive him and Marcus says "Get up you pussy" when Dom is revived.

And I'm thinking "Shit!  She's going to kill me!  I went to all this fucking trouble to not have the swearing and Marcus pulls this shit!  Oh well, maybe Borris didn't notice."

And then Borris says "Get up you pussy!" while shooting his hockey stick machine gun at the screen.

I spent the rest of the afternoon listening for him to keep calling everyone a pussy but he didn't so he either didn't hear or he loves me so much he wants to keep me from getting in trouble.  But I did tell my friend, just in case Borris went to her the next morning and said "Hey mom! Get up you pussy!  I love you!".  My friend just laughed when I told her because I have fucking awesome friends.


BONUS ABSURD VIDEO GAME DIALOGUE
I was replaying Assassin's Creed: Brotherhood and I get to the part where Desmond goes to eat a sandwich and Rebecca calls him a carnivore.  And then Shaun is all "You know plants give off pheromones that blah blah blah blah blah" and Rebecca's all "You know too much stuff".  Or something like that.  Anyway, what Shaun should have said is "Rebecca, you do realize we're fucking ASSASSINS right?  That we KILL PEOPLE FOR A LIVING." Then he should have demonstrated by killing Lucy because she's such a bitch in that game.