What do I want in a minivan? I don't know, do they have flying ones?

We are currently a one car family.  We have four kids.  We can't all fit into a car.  We can't all go the same place at the same time without some complicated plans that involves other cars and other drivers (and sometimes time travel).

So we are looking at minivans.  We can't afford one right now, but we are still looking.  Priorities in a minivan for me:

• kickass sound system
• a wall that comes up between the front and the back (like in a limo, but not because I want to have sex in the van without my kids seeing me, because I want to pretend they're not there also then they could have sex without me seeing them (but not with each other because that would be wrong))
• front and rear ejection seats
• rocket launcher
• ability to drop tacks behind me (just in case I am involved in a high speed chase)
• vending machine

Kevin wants a towing package but that costs an extra $700 so I think he's being unreasonable.

And I would have to name the van.  Currently we have a 2002 Jetta that is black.  We call her Ninjetta.  What would I call a minivan?  Minion perhaps?  Oh I know!  The gas chamber!  "Hey kids, you have five minutes to get into the gas chamber or I'm leaving without you!"
 
So we're looking at used ones.  There is actually one with a fucking sofa bed in it!  And built in vacuum (but I'm not entirely sure what a vacuum is, so I don't know if I should be impressed by that).  But it didn't have racing stripes so we stopped looking at that one. (And I just now realize that a fucking sofa bed would be much better than a just regular sofa bed.)

BONUS MEMORY:
One time we had to buy two new car seats because the old ones expired (who even knew they did that?).  Kid2 and Kid3 loved the boxes and wanted to sleep in them so we let them for a week.  "Get back in your box!" was said many nights that week.

Also, I have scheduled this to post at 6:00 AM on Monday so it would look like I was up and being productive at the time.